I am in duty hour right now but I am free enough to write you a letter and that’s what I am doing. I am feeling sleepy and my head is growing heavier every second. May be I am not caring about my health and working much harder but for nobodies sake.
We are day by day getting older and we are working as much as we can, me, more than I can and trying to save for future. I am trying this because every one around me talk about their savings and their future plans and I am just trying to do as they are doing. Each of them have good sum in their account and they have quite fanatic plans for their future. Just a moment ago, one of them asked me if I have any ambition of joining some good international organization. And I said “no”. He explained me how people regret of missing such opportunity in their lives. I just said I don’t have such plans. He further explained how one of his uncles got prosperous and how he is living these days. No response from my side.
I don’t have any reason for saying “no” to him. I don’t know why I can’t have such plans for my future. In fact I can’t figure out my ambition but still I think I am rather ambitious than anybody else.
I work more than a normal guy of my age does. Many of my circles are jealous of what I do. Even you praise me for what I am now. Each day, I am getting busier. And every new second I am thinking a new thing to do. But at the same time, as I work, as I think, as I dream something, I am losing myself. Sometimes I find myself completely alone. Sometimes I find myself full of blank pages inside me. Sometimes I lost everything at a glance of anything around.
Once, there was a time, when I used to tell you that I will one day come to your street and give you a big surprise. You were amazed. I used to tell you about my dreams of colors and the kites. It’s not that I don’t dream of them anymore, but you know, I don’t find any meaning of those abstract colors which sweep me away to the ocean of tranquility. I don’t find any height of these flown kites.
These days I feel like I have lost everything. I lost you, even though you were never mine. I lost my heart. I lost my destiny and I lost myself in vain. People who love me are waiting me to call them towards me. I want to have them around me to touch and feel me but I can’t give them shout. I can’t speak anymore.
I don’t know why I am writing to you. I don’t know why I want to tell these things to you. I am extremely sorry to disturb you. I am sorry I took your time.