If I knew before…

My dear love,
It’s the second time I got upset after I had fun with my school friends.

We don’t meet so often as we have taken our own way of life and we are scattered across the country. Some of us them who were close to me have been studying abroad and we don’t have much chances to meet eachother and have fun. We take it easy and try to be together as much as we like as soon as we get intouch. It’s good to be with friends, have chithats, recall the days in school and make those moments fresher. And I love to be with my friends no matter how busy I am. And it’s always good for me to be with friends to freshen up myself too.
And yes, this time it was more fun with the guys. We talked about all the things we had and which we thought we need and can share. Shared most of the things and one more time I felt upset right after I left. I wonder how would it be if I had never talked to you.

Yes, that was the first chance I talked to you liked that and I feeling just beause you were in front of me no matter how. But I wonder how would it be if had never saw you? If I had ignored your invitation? If I had no touch with you and we had no chithats? I wish I was blind, I wish I was dumb, I wish I was lame, and everything worse. I would not have had to see you.
One more time I thought of you and cursed myself. Poor me. It was really emabarrassing for me to know that you were not comfortable with me from a third person. It was really tough for me to tolerate that you didn’t wanted me to see you. I had pity on myself and my thoughts as I knew you don’t even want me to see once. I was shocked, you didn’t dare to ask me not to make you feel uncomfortable. Oh my od!! I never asked you to be for me or with me. Did I?
You should have told me before or you would have ignored me. Or you could have told me not to see you or not to talk to you. Poor me, feeling glad to see you, saw you. Was that my fault? Was that my fault dear?? I dreamt you all night and wished to meet you once in a life… Poor me !! Tell me dear, Was I wrong??
One more time I felt like crying aloud. I felt like killing myself and burn myself into ashes. After I met my guys, one more time I felt like I am the worst looking guy who can never love anyone and make happy.
It has been almost a decade now the story started. It has no twists nor any thrills. It didn’t have romance and tragedy either. It just had couple of sweet dreams, wonderous motions and some lovely colors along with you. I wish the story was same but it’s not. Time has changed a lot. The rose garden in this heart has turned into a desert now which bears landslides and volcanoes time and again. I wish it was the same little rose garden.
I wish I never saw you. I wish ….I knew before.
Please don’t write me any clarifications. I can’t cry aloud now.
ROOPESS

2 responses to “If I knew before…

  1. Roopesh, I was trying to be your regular reader but you disappointed me…..Why ??? Why my friend you are trying to ruin your life in the name of she, that girl to whom you love ??? I again beg you, no my friend no…never ruin your life in love….plz…plz..plz…Roopesh ji ..plz…I hope in later this type of post wouldn’t be written by you.

  2. Hey- Those are my starting pics and I am just gonna post a picture every couple weeks to see if i can see a change, basically

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